i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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