No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Let's get the cat blown out
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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