I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
