Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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