so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
