C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
