my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
