All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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