1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
