I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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