And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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