i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
