did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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