OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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