hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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