It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
it glows. i had to have it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
