Pappa wants mamma naked
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
