you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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