Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize