I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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