yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
