i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think my vagina is haunted
I just found puke in my bra..
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
