My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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