I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
