i was born a porn star she said
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
