Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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