i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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