at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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