Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
