whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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