my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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