She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
