Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
