You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
