A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
