It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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