Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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