Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
