It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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