you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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