how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
