she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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