i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
