i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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