I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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