whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
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i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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