Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
