From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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