Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
