kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
