i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
