that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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