I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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