Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
