East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
