I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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