how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
ok first of all what the fuck
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
