So drunk its hurt
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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